In a moment we will be showing you a short safety video, and cabin crew will be on hand to demonstrate a few key features. Please feel free to ignore all that crap. I mean, what's the point? If we're going down do you think that kicking off your high-heeled shoes first is going to help?
Some of you may be tempted to put your newspaper down and pretend to pay attention.
Please don't do that. You aren't fooling anyone and, really, my colleagues will just feel patronised. Why do you think they have that look on their faces when they go through all that stuff?
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