You go to a formal dinner party. You talk to the person on one side during the starter, the other during the main course. Sometimes the conversation skips along, more often it drags and falters. You enjoy or endure the evening, and then you go home.
That is, unless you are Robert Hiscox. The founder of the eponymous insurance company told me some years ago that at the end of a dinner party he turned to the people on either side and offered feedback on how he had found their conversation. He would say: “I enjoyed hearing your views on the EU, but you might have asked me about mine.” Or: “It was interesting to learn about how well your child did in his A-levels, but you seemed reluctant to discuss other topics.”
At the time I was shocked. How could he be so rude? Mr Hiscox assured me that conversing at formal dinners is a skill; it is hard to get better at anything if no one tells you where you are going wrong. I protested that there was far too much feedback in the world anyway. Sometimes it was nice to be left alone to muddle through.